Day 270 - I am a Mother too!

Today's Reading: Isa. 53-54 and Ps. 108-109

Included in today's reading is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible—Isaiah 54! So here goes another one of my “bare your soul” kind of blog postings. (I simply can't let this chapter pass by without sharing some testimony!)

As many know, my childhood dream was first and foremost to be a wife and mother. There was nothing I wanted more. As a child I'd line up all my dolls in a row on the couch and tell them Bible stories as I’d dream about being a mother and teaching my own children someday. 

Later, as I was entering my teens, my baby brothers arrived—three of them, all in a row. (One by adoption, two by birth!) How I loved being second mom to them, whether that meant rocking them to sleep in my arms, changing their dirty diapers, potty training them, teaching them songs, or reading them Bible stories. 

By the time I was 15, I knew I was ready to be a mom! But... the years slowly went by, and it didn't seem that it was in God’s best plan to give me a family of my own.... This hurt a lot, especially as I neared my 30's and most of my friends were now already married and sprouting children left and right. I cried, I prayed, I fasted, and I cried some more. I asked a lot of "why" questions too. God knew this was my one desire. He knew I would love a husband and children with all my heart. He knew I would give my all to be a good mother. He knew all the things I wanted to do with my own family. So why did He withhold this gift? 

Then one day I discovered Isaiah 54. I mean I personally discovered Isa. 54. I'd read it before, but this time it was for ME!

How my heart thrilled as I saw that God promises to be my husband and He also promises to give me many many children. 

Let's look again at this incredible promise for the barren woman, the woman who was refused in her youth:

“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD. Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes; For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited. Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee." (Isa. 54:1-7)

Just reading these passages again this morning brings tears to my eyes... 

Even now, I still struggle at times as I watch my friends parent their children, as I watch friends who I grew up with sending their kids to college...and some of these children have already gotten married and started having children of their own. At times I find myself thinking, "Wow! That could be my child! I could have children in college... I could even have children married by now..."

But then God stops me and reminds me of Isaiah 54...

When I read these passages and they really sunk into my heart in a personal way for the first time (I can't remember how many years ago now that this was),  I heard God saying to me, "I’m going to use your desolate experience and your barrenness, to birth many more spiritual children (seed) than you could ever possibly have had physically. And my dear Melody, these spiritual children will bring souls to the Cross and make the desolate cities of heaven to be inhabited." 

Wow!! How this promise gave me peace and has comforted me over the years. And when I find myself starting to feel sorry for myself or discouraged, these passages comfort me still.

To be honest, even if having my own children was an option now, I don’t think I’d choose this path anymore. Those who have known about my love for children might find this shift in mindset startling. But God is so good, and He's given me peace and contentment in this area. (And I'm so happy because I get to be an "Auntie" to many children!) But now I recognize that God has called me to ministry for His church, to help people fall in love with Him and get ready for His soon coming. If I was raising little ones, I wouldn't be able to do what I do. Of course, the first and most significant ministry is to our family, and I admire all the moms I know who are ministering so faithfully to their families and children. I watch them and I'm inspired by them... But today, this post is not for the wonderful moms who are serving so amazingly in their homes. This is for the single woman out there who never had the opportunity to birth biological children and who may be hurting and grieving their barrenness. 

Dear single sisters, I want to encourage you to read Isa. 54 again and see that God has not forsaken you. Also, a new perspective that might help you. When you feel that pain of loss, consider this pain of loss as “birthing pains” for Kingdom seed and for Kingdom children. Unfortunately it's a birthing process that takes years rather than hours. Perhaps for some of us it will take an entire lifetime. But someday soon God will introduce us to all our spiritual children... and it will be worth the wait! 

Just remember, in God's eyes, we are mother's too!

Tomorrow's Reading: Isa. 55-56 and Heb. 10